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2011年1月10日 (月)

歌仙『一行の詩』 四句目

文音歌仙 『一行の詩』
       
  起首平成23年1月9日
一行の詩をしたたむる淑気かな 月野ぽぽな 新年 
  あをく薫れるあらたまの墨   姫野恭子  新年 
せせらぎに薄氷融けて流れゐて  竹橋乙四郎 初春                              卒業写真の笑顔はれやか  山下整子    仲春                                                                
                             春月
   
                                                            雑
四句目案  山下整子

1、北窓開ける先の幸運
2、雀隠れの風に鳴る音
3、卒業写真の笑顔はれやか

忙しいときに、付句ありがとうございました。

雀隠れという季語は由緒ある季語なのですね。
雀が隠れることが出来るほどの茂み。はじめてしりました。http://nihongohaomosiroi.seesaa.net/article/147609038.html
上記によりますと、平安時代の蜻蛉日記にある表現らしい。

「三月になりぬ。木の葉
すゞめ隠れになりて、祭のころおぼえて」(有難うございます)

この季語とても素敵だし、珍しいですね。
農事暦では雀隠れのころ、豆を作るという。
けれども、これだと、景の句、場の句が三つ並ぶのです。
そこで4句目は人事句をいただきます。
(せいこさんのこの一句は、なくなった彼女達の遺影を響かせているのだとかささぎは受け止めます。すみません。こんなところまで持ち出して。)
ありがとうございました。随分こころが晴れます。
四句目は軽く、という鉄則を人事句でやった一句。
北窓開く先の幸運、はまたの機会に。
(いつか雀隠れに、で名句を出してくださいね。)

乙四郎先生。薄き氷にまだこだわります。
「うすらひ=薄氷」というきれいな響きの日本語を使いたいから。

せせらぎに薄氷○○○流れゐて

1融けて流れゐて  ○
2薄氷あはく泛(うか)びゐて
3薄氷のせて流れゐて

朝、せせらぎの端っこの草生のところにうすらひがはってたのが、段々日が昇ってくると、とけて流れ出してきた。

これでよろしいでしょうか。形もリズムも整った気がします。

五句目は春の月です。
どなたでもどうぞ。
よまれてみてください。
春の月、とやってもいいし、朧月、でも、月おぼろでも。
春月(しゅんげつ)でも。
ほかには、月とか月光とか夕月とかの言葉と春の季語を組み合わせる方法もあります。いろいろトライしてみてください。
すばらしい春の月がうまれそうです。

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コメント

ああ、やっと、日常生活に戻れました。笑

付け句の評、ありがとう。
卒業写真の句。
なんでわかった?
これはあの八女農業高校の女生徒が遺した笑顔を題材にした。卒業を間近にしてなくなったふたり。卒業アルバムにはきっと笑顔を載せてくれるんだろうなあ。そう願いたい。

北窓開ける先の幸運は、現実的なわが家の希望的観測。
ばっちゃまのことではない。
まあ、ほかにもいろいろ心配事はつきないわけで。
でも、まあ、どうかなるじゃろ・・・みたいな。
どう転んでもただでは起きない。
なんせ、ダンプかあちゃんやけん。笑

せいこさんはつよくてよいねえ。
忘年会のとき、交換日記の話をしてくれたろ。あれ、相手は私じゃないかとおもったくらい、。似た体験をしました。思えばわたしは依存心がとても強くて、あまえんぼうでした。ずうっと大人になってからも、いまもね。でも、これじゃいかんと思っているんだよ。

ってことで、春の月の句、ぼんちゃんとそらんさん、だしてくれないのかいな。だせや、こら。っていうてこ。

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